Whenever anyone defies you to kick any food item “up a notch”, your immediate solution should be to wrap it in bacon.
Any crowd of curious on-lookers can be motivated to applaud if you simply bellow, “DUN’ THAT LOOK GOOD AM I RIGHT C’MON NOW!” at them.
Whether you’re at a family day in the park, an afternoon at the water slides, a charity car wash, a day at grandma’s house, an afternoon in a pleasant touristy area, a car ride to the country, a construction project with some good friends, home for the weekend, home alone on a Tuesday, four beers into your six-pack, wondering what to do with your life, crushed under the weight of your own disappointment — it’s always the right time for BBQ!
Prep work is for women working in the distant background.
No cooking show intro sequence is complete without the host taking their shirt off. (Attention Laura Calder: Compliance to this is now mandatory)
The only thing more important than repeating the importance of re-sealable plastic freezer bags to your audience is talking about how great blenders are. If it is possible to do both in the same sentence, you absolutely must.
When in all else is in doubt, make ribs.
The greatest compliment you can ever render to an item or person is “killer.” For example, “Check out these killer twice-stuffed potatoes,” or “If my eyes bug out any further I will resemble a berserk killer.”
You do not actually have to have knife skills in order to demonstrate chopping.