This snack ROCKS: Doritos Collisions – Habanero and Guacamole

Look, I’m not going to lie to you:  This is going to be short.

I buy these Doritos Collisions bags specifically to make fun of them, in a strategy not too distant from the one I adopt when I go to the video store — I’m looking for a product that, if it sucks, I can enjoy in its horrible mediocrity.  I do not mind admitting that, because I am a mature person who is entirely secure in his childishness.

When I came across Doritos Habanero and Guacamole combination, I thought it would be much the same as my previous experience with Blue Cheese and Hot Wings:  which is to say, entirely crappy.  After all, if the good people at Doritos couldn’t manage to handle two relatively easy flavors like cheese and wing sauce, how were they going to replicate some seriously hot peppers and delicately warm dip?

The answer is, holy hell!  Really really well!

You know me.

You know that if there were even the slightest opportunity for me to make fun of this product — to associate it with Satan, or Ina Garten, or Smirnoff Lemonade — I would, but I simply can’t.  I’m at a loss!  I don’t have anything snarky to say!

Let’s put it this way.  Here’s the package:

IMG_3338

What does that promise?  Some chips that taste like habanero peppers, and others that taste like guacamole.  So you can reasonably expect some spicy heat, and then possibly some kind of bland green-ness to balance it out.

And then!

You stick your hand in the bag, noticing the visible difference between the light-green and traditionally orange-red chips, only to find the following:

  1. The orange-red ones have a pleasant salty-spiciness that you’d associate with a hotter-than-usual Dorito
  2. The bright-green ones actually taste like honest-to-God Guacamole, except spicy because they’ve been all mixed up with the Habanero chips
  3. OH MY GOD YOU’VE EATEN HALF THE BAG

It’s just that fast, and it’s just that easy.  Right now I’m staring my bag and wondering how this happened, only dimly realizing that I’ve played exactly into the hands of the product concept.

To me, Collisions isn’t really intended to dazzle and challenge the palette of chip-snackers everywhere.  As much as we’d love to think we’re sophisticates, I rather believe that this is just product demonstration at its finest — if Doritos can find two complementary flavors that work well together, and we decide we’re happy with both of them, then they’re going to sell twice as many bags in the future.

When it doesn’t work, well, you end up with a half a bag of chips that are supposed to taste like blue cheese, but remind you more of fried eggs and bad breath.  But when it does work, well, you get this.

The habanero chips are Doritos but spicy, without actually being painfully hot; the guacamole tastes like it’s supposed to, but instead of dissipating the heat only builds it up.  There’s salt enough to distract you from what’s happening, until you find that your entire mouth is just full of good nacho hot flavors, you have a lot of crumbs on your tee shirt, and you feel both happy and guilty at the same time.

No question about it, THIS SNACK ROCKS.  I actually feel a certain measure of fear that I won’t be able to find them again, and that says quite a bit for someone who’s two weeks from running a marathon.

Something-something healthy-low-fat carb whatever?  I can’t hear you — I have an awesome snack in my ears.

DORITOS COLLISIONS HABANERO & GUACAMOLE ROCKS.

  • http://foodhappens.blogspot.com lo

    Heh. For whatever reason, Doritos have always been a weakness of mine.
    Others poke fun — and they have a point. After all, Doritos tend give you nasty-ass breath and half of the ingredients are chemicals (not food).

    I haven’t eaten a bag of Doritos in… years. But, that might have to change. I’m digging the guac/habanero combo… and you did go on for quite a while about how good they are… 🙂

    • http://www.choosy-beggars.com Mike

      It could be that I’m a fan!

  • http://thespitefulchef.blogspot.com Kristie

    Two weeks? Good luck, sir. Have you done one before? What is your estimated time to finish? I’m the slowest marathoner of EVER, but very much appreciate the effort expended by fast people. Enjoy your bags of Doritos, because when the marathon is over, metabolism seems to magically slow down to nothing, causing post-marathon fat-panic. At least, that’s how it worked for me. And how I ended up running a second one three months after the first.

    Marathon eating is SO much fun!

  • Beth

    Mike, everyone knows you’re supposed to carb load before a marathon! You NEED to eat the chips to make sure you’re ready. Doritos is actually helping you to marathon success.

    Hee, anyway, good luck with the run.

  • http://www.eatingclubvancouver.com _ts-eatingclubvancouver

    There seems to be a shortage of good junk food (haha, oxymoron). Right now, I like Tim’s Jalapeño Potato Chips, and that Hawaiian-looking chips (also made by Tim’s)… ah yes, Luau Barbeque Sweet n’ Spicy flavor. Now I can try another this and add it to my chips repertoire!

  • Adam

    And they have stopped delivering them to the stores in Hamilton Canada. They were my favorite Dorritos, now I just don’t buy any dorritos. I guess all good things must come to an end

    • http://www.negativespace.ca nspace

      Just found these back in stock (for a limited time) at Rexal!

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