March Madness begins this weekend! FUN FACT: Did you know that March Madness was brought about when an enthusiastic sports fan wished for “a month of Superbowls”? Tragically, they used a monkey’s paw and thus doomed society to a four-week intermural basketball tournament every spring.
March 6th is National Chocolate Cheesecake Day. For real, yes. Legislation finally did something important. It doesn’t matter what country you live in, don’t even ask — wherever you are, it is National Chocolate Cheesecake Day. We can help you celebrate.
Week 2: March 7 – 13
Have you remembered Johnny Appleseed Day? Your children certainly haven’t, and probably with good reason. So, seriously, don’t bother — nobody wants a repeat of last year’s incident with the pot on your head and the three hours in emergency waiting to get it pried off again.
Early to mid-March is the ideal time to start seedlings for warm-season vegetables such as tomatoes, peppers or eggplant. This early planting exercise will help hone the forgetful neglect that will allow you to kill your entire garden later in the summer.
As the last of the cold weather retreats, there are only a few chances left to take full advantage of hot winter drinks. Go find a reason to work in the yard, get your bones good and cold, and make yourself some Hot Buttered Rum.
Week 3: March 14 – 20
Daylight Saving Time begins this week, so don’t forget: in the autumn, “fall back”! In the spring, “spring forward” with your face into the palms of your hands, to sob gently and mourn the lost hour of sleep.
Beware the Ides of March! No, we don’t know why either. But, you know, beware.
Saint Patrick’s Day is a traditional opportunity to get all smashed up in the middle of the week (or at least, a traditional justification for it). You and your friends may have a fantastic get-together, but beware of unwelcome beers getting dumped on your doorstep! If all else fails, refer to our survival guide on methods to dispose of unwelcome beer.
Week 4: March 21 – 28
Spring has officially begun! Acceptable activities today include prancing around merrily, singing tra-la-la-leee-loo-lee-lay, feeling emotions such as hope and optimism, and being savagely beaten by Seasonal Affective Disorder sufferers.
This is the week to enjoy National Toast Day, particularly appropriate if you were already planning to celebrate National Magnum of Inexpensive Red Wine and National Force The Cats Into Snuggling You When They’d Rather Be Left Alone Day.
It’s March Break time! Families all across North America will be jetting off on vacations together, enjoying the pleasant weather in sunny locations. Not you, though — but being trapped in your gray, slushy home doesn’t mean you can’t still have breakfast in Jamaica!
Week 5: March 28 – 31
Sweep aside the mulch and ground cover that you responsibly left over your perennials last fall. Remember when you deliberately left mulch on your garden, to protect it from the cold? Sure you do.
As the bleak, sanity-shattering gray weather seems to go on and on, it’s a good time to catch up on the small details around the house: record the valuable items in your home to update insurance; go through medicine cabinets to review all prescriptions, testing their odors and flavors if necessary; stay up all night meticulously sharpening your axes and gardening implements. Your family will be impressed by the close attention you’re paying to the finer points! The fine, sharp points…