The Great FIFA 2010 Drinking Game, Rules 6 through 10

IMPORTANT NOTE:  We here at Choosy Beggars do not condone or encourage binge drinking… unless it’s a day like this one.  Good lord, earthquakes in Ontario?  The USA winning their group at the World CupThe longest tennis match in history?  If this isn’t the time to pound a couple of shots just so the world can start making sense, we aren’t sure what is.

Fortunately, there’s plenty of soccer — and therefore drinking — left to help unravel all the sensations of wonder and amazement that are threatening to shake you out of the comfortable haze through which you wander every day.  Courtesy of your official food blog of the World Cup, we now continue the rules to:

THE GREAT FIFA 2010 DRINKING GAME

Match Focus Edition!  Remember, all the previous rules are still valid and in effect, making the game DOUBLE DANGEROUS!  Let’s play!

RULE 6

  • SINGLE:  For every freshly-purchased jersey you spot at the bar, mall, church, museum or bus shelter where you’re watching the game.
  • DOUBLE:  For every “girl-cut” team jersey that you spot on women who, in the final analysis, clearly did not buy them for themselves.
  • TRIPLE: For every international flag you see hanging off the side of a car on match day, helpfully profiling your entire neighborhood along the same racial-cultural lines that got everyone so twisted up in the Census.

RULE 7

  • SINGLE:  Any time you hear the word “Cinderella” in reference to the United States soccer team.
  • DOUBLE:  Any time you hear the word “Cinderella” in reference to the United States soccer team from someone who previously stated their total indifference to the World Cup, until the U.S. advanced.
  • TRIPLE: Any time you you hear the word “Cinderella” in reference to the United States soccer team from someone you know, almost certainly, has no idea what “Cinderella” means in this context.

RULE 8

  • SINGLE:  When anyone references the Second World War in connection with the England / Germany group of 16 match.  (WARNING: POTENTIALLY HARMFUL)
  • DOUBLE:  When anyone, cheekily or not, employs the term “blitz” to describe play on the field.  (WARNING: POTENTIALLY FATAL)
  • TRIPLE:  When anyone uses the phrase “their finest hour” in any comeback situation for the English side.  (WARNING: TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE)

RULE 9

  • SINGLE:  Every time, while watching the game among Italian fans, they throw their arms in the air to protest an injustice, real or imagined.
  • DOUBLE:  Every time Italian fans will kiss each other, their hands or indeed the television screen after a goal is scored.
  • TRIPLE:  For each set of ten car honks you hear, upon victory; alternately, for each utterance of the word “bullshit”, upon their inevitable defeat.

RULE 10

  • SINGLE:  For each time you are forced to choose who you care about more:  Cameroon or the Dutch.
  • DOUBLE:  For each reason you can come up with to cheer for either the Swiss or the Hondurans, let alone one over the other.
  • TRIPLE:  For any reason whatsoever to watch the Ivory Coast play against the North Koreans.  (NOTE:  Morbid fascination doesn’t count, and therefore is a SINGLE, DOUBLE, and TRIPLE all together)

It’s starting to get real out there!  And with World Cup mania now gripping even people whose only exposure to the sport was what they saw hapless 7 year-olds struggling to play at the local park, now is the time to gird yourself with the skills necessary to totally filter out everything they may have to say about it.

We’re getting into the group of 16 folks!  World Cup Month is nearly half over!

  • Jason

    “Their Finest Hour” is an excellent book in an incredible auto-biographical series on WWII by Sir Winston Churchill, who himself would probably have enjoyed participating in your game.