This Broadcast is Interrupted by Wedding Hell

Here at the Choosy Beggars, things are starting to get a bit sticky, and for once it’s not because I left a bag of strawberries on the counter for three weeks.  That said,  it’s time for us to take a brief hiatus.  If you’re a regular reader of the site, you have likely noticed that our posts are petering out, slowly but surely, and I can assure you that there is a single foremost reason for that:  The Goddamned Wedding. The Goddamned Soul Sucking Fiasco of a Wedding, if one were to be precise.

The Goddamned Wedding is taking up an awful lot of time right now, as I try to figure out very important details, such as;

  • Does each centerpiece have enough feathers? Do they have too many feathers? How many is just enough when it comes to feathers?
  • If I were to walk out of this sketchy little warehouse and into the daylight, would these napkins still be aubergine or would they be Barney’s Party Purple?
  • Here is a rack with 74 bonbonnieres on it, all of which were surely manufactured by children in a third world country. Ooh, that one has a bell on it!
  • Is there anybody out there who will marry us that doesn’t stink of patchouli or start talking about Kerouac?
  • If I invite my second cousin and her husband, and my father’s nephew’s brother and his children, does that mean that I need to invite my third cousin once removed who was invited to the wedding of my uncle’s brother in law because of family ties, or can I just say…..screw it?

Because misery loves company, I am dragging Mike with me into this journey of hell wrapped in tulle, and until the details get ironed out, every day in the foreseeable future we have an appointment with Another Goddamned Vendor to try to make sense of The Goddamned Wedding.

So, goddammit, we’re taking a little break.

We look forward to seeing you again sooner rather than later.  Especially Mike, because you might not know this, but apparently he has an awful lot to say about hotdogs, and you owe it to yourself to hear it.

We’ll see you next week,

Tina & Mike

  • Kulsum

    Ohh! I know how it feels. If I had a chance in life to relive my life from start I simply won’t because I don’t want to go through the GODDAMN wedding ever again. I would just do with a live in relationship 🙂

    But then you don’t get to relive and its all worth it for one life time. Best of Luck!!!

  • Natashya

    Wow, I am no longer feeling like I missed out by going to city hall. Both times.
    Is it too late to elope?

  • Tara

    Woah! This sounds like it sucks!

    I know it might SOUND like an empty promise, but it’s not: let me know if you need anything or I can do anything!

  • Hellcat13

    This just reinforces exactly why I don’t want a wedding. I don’t have the patience for (and truthfully, I don’t really care about) all the little details that need to be taken care of for a wedding. I’m impressed by people who can hold it together to get it done, but man…I am not one of those people. Plus, I’m a lazy ass. Too much work.

    If we ever get around to getting married, I fully expect to tell most people after the fact.

  • Hellcat13

    Little trigger happy there…

    Anyways, if things get overwhelming, just think of the CHEESE cake! That will make everything better.

  • Amy

    Good luck, the last stretch sucks the hardest. I love my husband, and loved our wedding, but I freely admit that there is no way in hell I would plan my wedding again.

  • A

    Dude, I sympathize. Wedding planning is the suck.

    This is an exercise in learning what is important to you and saying NO to what everyone else THINKS you need. You don’t even have to say no politely. It’s your wedding, dammit!

    Good luck!

    (P.S. You could take care of the paperwork at city hall first… that way anyone could be your “officiant”!)

  • eileen

    Weddings, man. Before I planned one, I thought they were great, but now…no. The day after our (relatively simple and very small) wedding we ended up going out for burritos all shellshocked: “what the hell just happened?”

    For officiant issues, why don’t you see if one of your friends will get ordained on the internet, then do your ceremony as your wedding present? Highly recommended, since they know and love you already.

    Keep breathing!

  • TS of eatingclub vancouver

    Don’t go and kill yourself with wedding details! (whispers: I’m pretty sure those things are not *that* important.)

    Good luck with all… that. 😉

    I’m sure it’s going to be wonderful.

  • Nina

    Hee! Before the big reception/ceremony, my friend and her husband got married secretly at the courthouse. This would lead to the most amusing arguments to overhear, which would end with ‘it’s a good thing we’re already married, because otherwise this dress/guest list/napkins/centerpiece/gifts/thank you notes/wicked stepmother/bag of feathers argument would totally convince me that one of us is just stalling.’

    Anyhow, good luck! I look forward to the hot dog rant.

  • Kristie

    Listen, my darling Lebanese lamb: Nobody is going to be counting your feathers. They’ll be judging you on how tasty your food is (without caring about number of proteins), how hot you look (obviously a bazillion hot-units), how drunk they got (ensure that happens), and who made out with whom. I didn’t have the luxury of stressing out over my tiny details, since I did it over the internet from out of state, and I thank GOD for that, because everything turned out fantastically. They loved the food, they drank a fair amount, and they thought my dress and venue were pretty. That was literally all they cared about. I didn’t even HAVE favors.

    In the end, you’ll just get bags under your eyes if you try to freak out about the details, so don’t. Weddings are fun, honeymoons fun-ner, and being married is the best part of the whole thing when you’re marrying the right person. And I’m very fond of Mike and you, so I know you’re going to enjoy a shitload of years together, and not give a tosser’s toss about bonbonnieres in 30 years when you’re screeching at your grandchildren to stop handling your crystal figurines and doilies, or whatever old people like to put on their shelves.


  • Jason

    Tina and Mike, I’d suggest (like it matters) putting more $ into video and less into everything else, but the Honeymoon. As time slips by, the video will remind you of everything you swore you’d never forget (guests, food, music, cake, who you married, etc.), but the Honeymoon will be the sweet tast that lingers on the tongue and in your memories for years.

    Oh, and please freak out over the wedding planning as much as possible. I think it’s one of nature’s incentives for only getting married once, because would you seriously ever want to go through this again?