Friday Trio and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week
Whew, you guys, this week was not pretty. Was it as bad for you? Because for us, whew: That was a whole bag of suck. I’m not sure when it happened, but all of a sudden I have discovered that there is a considerable price to be paid for long weekends, and wow, forget that.
I don’t mean to start this off on a down note, but occasionally I have no choice. There are just times when something that used to be totally amazing (e.g. work weeks that are only four days) turns into a source of concentrated stress and emotional destruction (i.e. work weeks that are only four days), and either I complain about it (and sound old) or grin and pretend it’s not happening (and look old).
But honestly, was it so long ago that having a long weekend and a short week was a good thing, and not an invitation to cram the most possible pressure into the shortest span of time? I can remember my office at my old job emptying out sometime on Thursday afternoon, staying vacant until our managers wandered in on Tuesday morning, bleary-eyed and disinterested in anything beyond headache remedies.
Oh God, were those my good old days, and I didn’t notice them? Is this the moment in my life when I cross over from seeing a day off as a burden rather than a privilege, because I’ve just got too much freaking stuff to do?
Heaven help me, I have become a fogey.
But if that is truly my fate, then at least I have one advantage in my corner: Old fogeys know how to drink, and they always have a toolkit available to help them contend with even the cruddiest, busiest, most exhausting short weeks. Here are three of our favorites, which is just about what it takes to get us through.
The Bitter Pill is an even three-way split between gin, sweet vermouth and Campari, doubling down on herbal flavors and coating them in a vermouth package. Served in an old-fashioned glass, it’s eye-catching, bright and bold — it’s everything that’s good about sipping a tumbler full of liquor that’s tasty and complicated, the contemplation of which is more than adequate to chase away an awful day.
Sure, we’ve advocated the Hollow Tooth in the past as a tool for blazing through the worst of the worst when it comes to dating — but is it truly any less effective on bailing out in an awkward after-work social interaction?
Have you ever sat down with a co-worker who shared with you a pleasant lunch before disclosing their perspective on how business used to be better before all the Muslims moved into town? Or had to tell your supervisor about your degree in Social/Political Thought after she casually dismissed the frippery of an Arts education?
Then you’re ready for a Hollow Tooth. Never again will a cubicle-mate pull you aside for a 45-minute-but-actually-3-hour presentation on secret pills from South America that cure cancer (not that Big Pharma would tell you!) without recourse. Escape is available.
And when all else fails, there is the nuclear option.
Amnesia is the cocktail you produce to obliterate not only other cocktails, but also the memory of other cocktails, and potentially (read: ideally) several hours of your own life.
Here is a drink that has every kind of liquor you may find in your cabinet, efficiently mixed together with citrus and sugar to produce a drink so sweet and fun that you won’t even notice the moment when you can no longer feel your feet. And sometimes, that’s exactly what’s called for.
When five days collapse into four, it becomes pretty apparent that they are not doing so to add FUN, but to consolidate PRESSURE. We refuse to knuckle under to such inexorable logic, and suggest that you don’t either. The short week may actually be a curse in disguise, but with the right mix of cocktails you can get through it — more importantly, we can all get through it, until normalcy is restored.
There are good weeks, there are bad weeks, and then there are weeks like this. We have the tools to survive them, so don’t be shy.