Top Chef Canada Finale – The Drinking Game
Important note: We here at Choosy Beggars do not condone binge drinking, unless it’s an emergency, public holiday, particularly awful weekday or average weekend. But there are certain situations in which there is just enough emotion, anticipation and foreboding that there is perhaps no other way to navigate it than aggressive, forceful drinking.
Such is the case for the finale of Top Chef Canada, a show that pulled us in with its optimistic premiere and has compelled us to follow its progress ever since. Its mix of mostly benign, but occasionally maddening, chefs navigating their way through heavily product-placed challenges proved to be more than we can resist — to the point now where we are keenly anticipating the finale tonight, beyond any logical reason.
With so much at stake, the only practical recourse is to channel our
alcohol consumption feelings management through some careful guidelines, designed both to focus our activities and celebrate all that we have come to lovingly hate about the show.
It’s on at 9PM tonight, on Food Network Canada — why not join us? Follow on with the rules below!
Take one drink when…
- You see the interior of a Loblaws
- Rob finds an unkind thing to say about his competitors in the confessional
- A contestant is forced to utter the phrase, “GE Monogram Kitchen™”
- Thea Andrews throws out a bafflingly neutral comment that was likely written for her by a producer
- Shereen Arazm describes something in terms of its “yumminess.”
Take three drinks when…
- A scene is shot in yet another one of Mark McEwan’s restaurants
- We see a shot of Connie wearing her sports bra, to add in some — sigh — sex appeal.
- We see a gratuitous shot of Dale’s son helping him out in the kitchen
- Connie makes sausages. Again.
Chug your drink when…
- At the very moment you realize the celebrity judge’s advice to the chefs has nothing to do with how they ultimately make their decision
- Connie cries. Because she is going to when she gets cut, and we might too.
Finish the entire bottle when…
- Rob wins, because God damn it. Friggin’ Rob. You probably won’t want to live past that point anyway.
Lightning Round (i.e. you don’t have to work tomorrow)
- Take one shot for every product placement or endorsement, but try not to die.
Here’s to season two!
10:01 pm — Edited to add: WE THINK WE MIGHT BE BLIND NOW